Botox on the Brain

So, I got up today...cranky. I forgot what I was dreaming about. Maybe working at Crate and Barrel. I worked there for about a year once. Maybe a little over a year. I dream I go back there and work. I think because I was really unhappy working there and want to go back with a more positive experience. Just like I dream about returning to High School and retake all the classes I was taking..and suddenly I forget my locker combination. I dream of returning to my past to the moments that I really think I blew it. I always dream of fixing things. I wake up a little more frustrated then when I get to bed.

Anyway, I get up out of bed and go down stairs and eat some cereal (evil) and down a cup of coffee from yesterday ( totally nasty) read the news and then head up and get ready for the museum. I had two tours planned to today...4th graders. The tours went a little longer than planned...and there were a lot of kids. So, my group of 22 ended up using the stairs and walking up to the 4th Floor. I was slightly breathless, but what irritated me the most ? Sweating....oh my gosh ? Why did the Lord bless me with this baby fine thin hair that is going grey ? Why is that I sweat first from my head first ? Its the curse that has lasted my entire life time. So, despite what shape I am...I sweat profusely...except in cold. Thus my great desire to live in Finland, Sweden, Greenland, Denmark etc. Yes, I will always have the great desire to live in England, but you know...the chances of me returning to the land of my ancestors...next to NULL. So, you know what is next ? Possibly Montana ?

Yes, as soon as I got up to my first piece I start sweating. Like it's making the front of my cotton v neck slightly wet and my hair ? My short fine hair is soaked. I have no bandanna...no towel...nothing to comfort me from the embarrassment I am experiencing. Just some pieces of binder paper in my bag. Trying to and unsuccessfully fanning the sweat from my entire neck up. The tour went well and I think the kids really really liked it, but as for me I ran  into the bathroom to check out the damage. Oh, it was bad, it was really really bad. I looked in the mirror and I had no hair...the hair I did have...it looked like I was missing hair. It's the gray. My mother despises my dark hair, but if I have grey...I am going to look bald for the rest of my freaking life. So I run out making drama to my boss about how unhappy and embarrassed I am.

It's not only do I feel like a fat piece of crap in the outfit I am wearing, but on top of that I am sweating...sweating like an obese pig. Okay, so perhaps I am being hard on myself, but I am sick and tired of this sweating. I mean if I get botox on my head...what will happen to the sweat ..where will the sweat go ? Will I sweat from my butt ? Will I sweat from under my arms ? I know that sweating is a wonderful thing and that I should be grateful that I am providing a great service to children, and also releasing my body from toxins...but really. I admire women that have lots and lots of hair...they complain and they have no idea what I am going through...sometimes...sometimes I want to pull an Susan Powter and just shave it all off ....

The Vacation that is required after the Vacation

How I miss me looking like this...and Mar 

I have just returned from the most expensive vacation of my life. We took Rah Rah on a Disney Cruise for her birthday. I came home 10 lbs heavier by eating gigantic meals. I realized on our trip that I miss biking a lot and that I don't like being on a ship with people for 7 days. I have complete sympathy for those in the Navy on aircraft carriers. What else ? Oh Star Wars was sorta a disappointment...for obvious reasons. Um, Bridge of Spies was really cool and so was The Good Dinosaur. I think my next trip is going to be to London and then the  Virgin Islands away from people. Just me on a beach...with a Diet Coke an a book on the history of England  or listening to podcasts by Melvin Bragg . Really this is not what I wanted to blog about. Unfortunately, I am just not in the blogging mood...like the fun happy blogging mood. I am worried about a lot of things...mostly about having to move. I have 7  months to pack and move out and I really don't have a plan as to where to go. Um, maybe I will blog tomorrow...after much hoovering and laundry ...

Pictures of You

I drove Rah Rah to rowing last night passing through the forest of trees. The leaves are turning red orange and brown..fall season is spectacular. I would say its my favorite drive around here. I pretend I am living up north in Connecticut  or Massachusetts. The girls were chatting frustrated because I am making them be somewhere other than home. Listening to The Cure "Pictures of You". I was sad, I sorta didn't want to hear it. A lot of The Cure takes me back and many times I will just change the station. This time I decided that I wanted my girls to hear it...hear the lyrics. They didn't seem to get into it. Rah Rah sometimes gets into what I listen to, but she is mostly into trendy stuff like I would be if I were a sophomore. I used to be so obsessed music and boys and dancing. Thankful she has little interest in boys and dancing and more into obtaining an education and rowing. I love it, and wish that I could join her on her journey, but it's not a season for me. I barely survive my season what I should be doing. Spending more times with the little ones.

The museum is going well. Things are never as perfect as I thought they would be. Truly, being a docent is a box of Sees Candy, you never know what you are biting into when those kids arrive. Sometimes it's good and sometimes those candies are full of nuts and fruit or liquor and those are not the ones I prefer. The Iris Van Herpen has arrived and its spectacular. Actually, I have never seen the whole thing yet. I haven't had time with sick kids to be properly trained on it. Which is fine, I am sure there are plenty of docents that all over it . I think I have surrendered myself to our tour Animals in Art and maybe take up the next exhibit after January.

Everything else I want to type about...well I can't type about it. I find that when people really find out what is going on with me...they try to fix ...fix fix fix and ONLY I CAN FIX ME and frankly I have no idea how this is going to happen. Yes, lots of money, lots of more time, and moving to Iceland is going to help. Let's see....I have none of those so ..rolling with what I got. BOO !

Gretchie Loves Love

This piece is made from metal from an umbrella and hand sewn with industrial yarn/thread

Okay, what about really cool things ? Things like IRIS VAN HERPING coming to THE HIGH !
First I was afraid I was petrified ! Until the curator starts showing slides of these ladies dresses and shoes. She is a dress designer , French Couture, runway and now ready to wear...I don't think she will be making plus sizes. I fell in love with her work ! Her creativity and her philosophy about her art. The materials she uses to make her dress...SO OUT OF THE BOX and not garbage and duct tape !!!

This has a Gothic cathedral theme to it. 

 She hand sews things, she glues things she burn things. She uses technology and works with people like scientists or engineers or architects...actually I need to read up more on this, but to me its totally fascinating. I am very much looking forward to the High. The piece shown above looks like its a carving made of wood maybe soaked and bent to its shape. It looks organic, but it's actually 3D printing It's going to be great mixed in with the Habsburg Splendor ! Why would people not want to go because there is something for everyone !

Yep 

What else ? Oh yeah, my birthday is in 2 days. I have actually requested nothing but online birthday wishes, but friend have sent/given me some really nice gifts. I would like to have a day of LOVE. Love towards me, not global love and peace and unicorns pooping rainbows...just Gretchie Love ! Too much to ask for ?

• 39 earthquakes today
• 134 earthquakes in the past 7 days
• 151 earthquakes in the past month
• 528 earthquakes in the past year

 Maybe no earthquakes in the San Ramon Valley ..... and these statics are right now.

Somebody tell that Fault to calm the heck down...note how I refrained from cursing...

Bad time to blog...

I like to blog when I am happy and in a good mood. Such is not the case recently. This past week has not been a good one. Perhaps I need a vacation ? Perhaps I need to spend more time at home locked up in my room and neglecting the world ? Something has to be done to take me out of this horrid rut called my life.

Lately, I have been preparing for this tour of the Habsburgs. I have mentioned it several times and truly it is amazing. So, I have signed up for a weekend tour. I have picked my objects and art pieces (they're all art pieces) and have made cards to practice. I am absolutely terrified. It is my first tour at The High like this one. I am afraid that I will feel prepared and then like my first test this tour will just fall apart. What if suddenly people arrive and I have nothing to say ?  Will I start crying again ? These poor people...I am so over prepared it might be a nightmare !

Yes, I truly lack self esteem and self confidence. Children are easy, kids really are laid back about everything...adults (which I have learned lately) are not so laid back ..well not in the south. Lately, I have been disappointed in my 4.5 years living here. Being yourself to many people, it's not okay. Being open minded, loving and positive is not okay. Being uptight, narrow minded, and superficial is  okay. If you are reading this...you are my friend and this does not apply to you. It's just lately what I have encountered in people.

Its that stupid Southern mentality which I was hoping had died by the time I got here. It's be lady like to the point where I am miserable, it all about appearances, it's playing tennis, its about winning and not fun, it's not about the soul of a human being. It's being thin and tan and attending some college in the south. It's what church you go to. It's not actually about behaving like Christ, but where you go. God put Christ here on earth and he taught us how to be loving and caring and open minded. Why do people NOT apply it to our lives ?

Lately, my insecurities about having a college degree has haunted me. Do I want a college degree ? Of course I want one !!! Can I afford one ? No, I can not afford to go back to college. Am I college drop out ? No, I have never dropped out, I am just not done. Do people actually judge people on if they attended college or not ? At the end of the day does it matter ? Does college make you a better person ? Really ? I have met so many idiots that make poor poor choices who have attended college. What would getting a degree do to me personally ? Would I change ? Would getting a degree make me a better person ? Isn't this just an expectation in society ?

So, you can spend your entire life being miserable trying to fit in with the rest of society. You can be sized 6 and tan and starving. You can brag about your Ivy League school that you have attended to everyone and their mother. Just know that I am sorry I am never going to be that person. I am happy being me. I am happy being a stay at mother with 3 wonderful girls that are going to have amazing lives when they grow up. They will go to college. They are going to look back at their mother and think ...she loved me, she encouraged me, she had a sense of humor, she believed in me, she never let society get in the way of who she is. She loved England, Art, Movies, her gym, traveling, reading books, learning always learning, and she loved her family. You know, I hope all of this is said , when I am in my 90's .

Sorry this blog isn't silly or funny. It's pretty much how I am feeling these days. Lots of lessons to be learned about trusting people and believing they are not what they appear to be. Trying to live here in the South and survive all the unwritten rules made up by idiots. Trying to find a church and a place to fit in...where people are similar to me. Believe me there are tons...and just afraid to admit it.

I WANT TO LOVE AND EMBRACE THE SOUTH !!!

Important things you should know...

#1 My Birthday is in 9 Days

#2 I am revisiting The Tudors and can't stand King Henry or any of his wives except Anne of Cleves...dude you really blew it there....I am now more than ever wanting to visit Hampton Court. Also, I am looking into buying a Tudor Rose ornament and stationary. Why ? Because I think it's unique and special.

#3 I want this freaking election to be over and done. Facebook is a horrible place to learn about the various candidates.  I am neither on one side or the other. I am disappointed in everyone.  You wonder why I want to leave to England or Iceland ? I am sure that many people share with me the same feelings...

#4 I went to the Opera and saw La Boheme . Really very good. I went a few years ago...maybe 5 to the San Francisco Opera and that was good too ...oh and at Eton College. I liked all of them. People fear the Opera because they have never been. There are subtitles, you can read the performance before you see it, people don't sing obnoxiously...there are no fat ladies.

Not Acceptable 

All sorts of people go the the opera. There was a man dresssed like an old lady with her date who was dressed like a man ( who was a women) and this man had his entire body covered in tattoos. It did not make me vomit, what made me vomit was his pierced ears. THAT made me vomit.

acceptable

 What does not make me vomit is if you come from a country that does that because it's their tradition and culture.

Bratislava Castle 

#5 I just learned of some moving options: India and Slovakia. All I can say is that it is near Vienna..and that is perfectly acceptable in my book. It borders the Ukraine