Notes to the Gretchie Verse

These are not what is featured below...get your head out of the gutter...

Dear Dr. Black: Thank you so much for the test results and comments you made on the paper. Um, I am aware of your rich South Carolina accent, your fast talking, your stammer, and your horrid writing which seems to be popular for medical doctors. However, your message about WOW I am surprised that you are dead...well that sucked. I have to call your office on Monday and figure out if I am dying or not. 

I still like this picture....

Dear Physical Therapist: I HATE the neck brace. Not only does it enhance my double chin, but it also takes the fat in my face and pushes it up into wrinkles. I hope this is working because I am sick of vertigo. I would love for God to put the moment I got vertigo on a DVD and send it to me. It was the moment I wrote about Edwina the Emu....or was it Edwina the Dinosaur ? Also, when I write about Edwina I find I have a lot of grammatical errors...maybe I should stop writing about Miss Money Grabber and move on to bigger and better things...like....oh I don't know...lowering my cholesterol . 

Dear Children of the Corn (aka My Little Girlfriends, My offspring, My little darlings. My evil seeds, My children)  : My neck brace is not a toy, Dogs do not wear my neck brace, When I am wearing the neck brace consider me handicapped and leave me alone, don't talk to me when I am wearing the neck brace and do not talk to me when I am watching Midsomer Murders and Downton Abbey. If I am playing spider solitaire I will not be able to hear you. Our family rooms is not a garbage can, nor a picnic area, nor an art studio, nor for Legos or Barbie cars. 

Dear God: I am returning to church tomorrow. If I pray for my Vertigo to go away at church ...will it ?