Notes to the Gretchie Verse

I heart you Ira 

Dear Ira Glass: I am wearing these black glasses that are huge and trendy. They remind me of you, but you have much cooler ones. Everything about you is cool. "This American Life" is really cool. I remember telling my friend Frank how hot I thought you were...and then he tells me "yeah, my wife knows him". It just ruined it right there and then. Once I have made the connection with someone I know, it just ruins my lusty infatuation. This has also happened with Gavin Newsom and various other famous men. Anyway, I would love to be on "This American Life". I am a girl with many stories, but never know how about sharing them with you. We should have coffee sometime and discuss....my new career in public radio ;)

I hate you for being Skinny and Vogue, but I still love you Unicorn Lady !

Dear Anna: Okay, not the Anna in Georgia...this is Anna in California. I just read your blog and loved it ! I was much reminded of my friends blog "Suburban Unicorns". You two have something in common, except that my friend has to raise three kids on her own...not two. So, how did I find you ? I was looking at Little F's sisters page and saw a comment from Lucy. Well, I didn't know if this was THE Lucy from the UK. So, I looked at Little F's page to see if she was friends with her. She was not friends with her, but friends with you. You have an unusual last name. So, I checked your FB page out and your ex husband was my date for Sr. Ball. Small world...I am sorry you married that jackass. You don't speak too unkindly about him, but I personally think he's a jerk. If you are ever interested in pictures...we both look really stupid. Your blog is well written and organized. My blog is just spontaneous mumble jumble.

Dear Dr. Black's Office: Thank you for returning my call two days later. I had pretty much given up you. Seriously, that mumbo jumbo written on my tests results were ...I was going to be taking blah blah medication ? Wow, good thing I called huh ? Good thing your nurse knows how to read your handwriting. Too bad he lacks a sense of humor. Seriously, life has brought to me many lemons. Some of the lemons have been sour and others have just been plain rotten. I am making lemonade with those lemons everyday. Life is too short for bitterness and crankiness.

Dear Gretchie Love Cooking Show Peeps: Thank you much for your kind words about my cooking show. I did look horrible, I know that I need a script, a more professional camera man, and organize my food bowls better. However, having a cooking show is a learning process ! Everything is a learning process ! The more shows I make the more fabulous it will become. I ain't posting it until it's totally fabulous !

Dear Body: Okay, I know you hate me, I know that I am your worst enemy. I know that you don't think that I treat you like a temple. Even though I don't drink or smoke or do illegal drugs. I know, I know you think that I am the worst owner ever of a body. I am sorry....I really am. Thank you for waking me up at 6 am on a Saturday to make me throw up. THAT was a lot of fun. I am not sure it is because I loaded my body with a ton of drugs or not. If I could give up two or three of them I would. I have to take at least two of them and vitamins. This is all so you won't give out on me and I won't die of a heart attack or something. Please forgive me...now if you could just hang in with me and stop making me sick. Oh note to body: Thank you for ridding me of Vertigo....I was getting ready to lose my mind over that. Well...what is left of my mind.

Dear Pinterest: I am positive since I have returned to you I have gained an additional 75 pounds...do you want them back ??