Notes to the Gretchie Verse....

Dear Audj Audj: I don't know what is growing below your eye, but it's freaking me out. So, I am glad you are going to the eye doctor tomorrow. I don't necessarily like going to the eye doctor, but I do like picking out glasses. You can get really cool ones like your momma ! I think I am going to take my glasses size just a notch so I won't stick out in a crowd next month.

Dear National Trust/ Royal Oak Foundation: Thank you much for my membership card. I hope to use and abuse whilst I am in England.

It's a passport  to no intimation and tears....

Dear State Department: If you accidentally sent me a black passport instead of a blue one...I won't have a problem with it. I am preparing in my mind when I get off the plane how bad it will be for me. What is your full name ? Where were you born ? Where are you going to ? Whom are you staying with ? What does SHE do for a living? How long are you staying ? Do you plan on traveling elsewhere ? In which by then I will become totally intimated and getting ready to cry. Really? I am aware that this questioning is for the nations protection, but I am the one who needs protection. So, yes, please consider the black passport cover....yeah right !

Me, in my backyard, new hair, new body, and yes, I am currently living in the Hamptons....

Dear Mrs. F: Thank you for your response in regards to taking Yoga while I am abroad. I know it would appear that taking a month long Yoga class would be a waste of time, but it isn't. I have entered a contest here in the states. The person who loses the most % of body fat at the gym wins a full month of personal training. Mrs.F lady that costs me $400+ a month for that. I guess I could starve.....live off of coffee and cigarettes ? Diet Coke and Heath Bars ? Fish and Chips ? Indian Curries ? I'll work something out with the gym. Just don't question why your entire home is shaking...not an earthquake...it's Gretch attempting to keep fit !

It's a picture of me sleeping next to my pretend husband....

Dear sleeping meds: You suck. I was supposed to get up at 6 am to get the kids ready and out the door to go to school. Well, it was 1 am and I couldn't sleep. I just keep yawning and yawning and gagging. It sucked....so I take this pill and how do I feel the next morning ? Like I have a hangover. In fact, I felt like I had a hangover the entire freaking day. It's just not worth it. I don't want to take anymore pills. I just want to take vitamins and get on with my day !!  I am thinking an alcoholic might be a bit more productive..yeah, but that would be crappy for the kids.

Dear Red Dress: Okay, so I wanted to wear you to dinner in London for my birthday. Who am I going to go with ? Could you find me a date ? Could he have salt and pepper hair , 6+ feet tall, and have an English accent ? He doesn't even have to really talk to me...I just don't want to end up at some Pub in London wearing this dress....alone at a bar...drinking Diet Coke with Lemon. Red Dress...we don't even know any of the football songs !! Also, could he have nice teeth...I am aware that is a lot to ask for, but I am really picky about stuff like that.