Notes to the Gretchieverse

Dear Gavin Newsom: I can't believe you have a talk show. Well, I mean I know you do, but I don't know, don't you think that I should have the talk show ? Well, so maybe we could Share the show ? Gavin and Gretchen...doesn't sound like a match made in heaven ? I am aware that I am not as attractive as you lovely wife, but who cares ? She's probably still breast feeding your son...see I am well over that stage in motherhood. Do I have talk show experience ? No, but truly is that really important ? I think just ME being ME should be sufficient enough.

Dear Stacey: I am sort of concerned because I haven't heard from you in awhile....well I did change my address on my blog, which apparently was a HUGE mistake, but I am hoping you will just find me ! I miss you and I miss cupcakes and diet cokes.

Dear Sarah: May your entry into becoming a young lady happen soon. The drama, the crying, the insisting on having your own way, the long list of things that you "have to have" has to end. I am not going to say that all those things will cease, but dang it they have to be taken down 2 notches, or I am going to start hating you, and you ain't going to like that .

Dear NPT: Okay, my goal is to lose weight and feel amazing by the time I go to London. The dates are sorta up in the air, but I am focusing on the month of October. It seems that I am liking being away from home during Halloween. I was thinking about my childhood and I don't believe that my mom dragged around for 2 ours collecting diabetes in a bag. I am turning 45 as well and the closer I get to 50 the less fabulous I feel. So, could you just force me into kicking some ass ? My ass needs to be kicked on a lot of levels ! Lets get me into shape, and then we can talk about my other goals like being an actress, author and supermodel. Fear not , it is not my goal to be as thin as Gavin Newsoms wife.

Well look who popped up when I googled "Swiss Bank Account"

Dear Gold Digger: Were you successful at your gold digging ? Did you find a fortune hidden in some safety deposit box in Geneva or Lucerne Switzerland ?  Did your divorce proceedings receive national press, like I am sure you wanted it to ? It's sad that it's the Queens Diamond Jubilee and life just isn't about you anymore. It's all about Elizabeth and she freaking rocks. She had no reason to dig for gold, she already had it.

Dear Danville: I miss you ! I miss the summer evenings when I would take a walk on the iron horse trail and not fear creatures. I miss the Greenbrook Pool. I miss that I could go there and see friends who wanted me to sit with them. I miss being known and loved by all. I miss fighting with Shalini. I miss speaking with British accents to Caroline. I miss my church. I know, I didn't go a lot in the end, but when I started going to this congregation, I realized how fabulous the Danville is. There is no Robi roaming the halls saying "Gretch!! What is up"??? There is nobody I can cry to about all the stupid issues in my life. There is nobody I can joke with and say " I think I am going to start smoking now". They all believe me !! Pssst. I am like the only democrat in the ward...I am 99% sure of it.

What's up with the hand gestures??

Dear Mitt: Dude, look how far you have come. Despite the fact that you are in fact a Mormon, that you are filthy rich, that you keep your dog on the roof of your car, that you bullied gays in high school, and that your wife is a DING DONG you brags about her fashion nonsense...Americans...they still like you. I am sorry, but I don't trust you. I don't think you should be sharing your religion with anyone. Because now..now you are going to be some sort of Mormon whatever....king of Mormondom. There are going to be expectations from you. Are you ready to deal with that ? Again, I don't trust a Mormon man . I have never met a Mormon man who as not cheated on his taxes or cheated on his wife. I am sure that most Mormons would disagree with you, but with that much money and. power....No Way ! If had my way and a fortune (like you) and you won I would be outta this country in a heartbeat.  I don't know what countries would accept me, but really ....I don't see you meeting with foreign leaders. Sorry, its how I feel...like it matters....

Dear Creator of Mad Men: Okay, did Lane really have to die ? I loved Lane and his nippity skippity wife. He was one of my most favorite characters. He wasn't drinking and smoking like everyone else was. Okay, here is my suggestion. Why don't you make Pete Campbell ruthless about his death ? Why don't you make Roger Sterling even crazier with his forever midlife crisis ? That he realizes again that life is too short and to go back to his wife ? Maybe you can make Don Draper lose his mind ? Anyway, now that Lane is dead....there better be something else fabulous in return.

I am aware she has nothing to do with your Jubilee, but I miss her :(

Dear Queen Elizabeth: So sorry I can't make it to your party this year. I know that your Diamond Jubilee will never be the same without me. So, I am going to refuse to watch it. Just like I skipped the wedding.
I am hoping there will be more times for you and I to hang out. Can I bring sister ? Apparently she is friends with Kate ? I also want to bring Carla, Cookie and Chris..and here I have rid the C from my name. Well, I was thinking Gretchie is clearly not a British name. So, what Edwina...wait?  Who on gods green earth would name their child Edwina ? Sorry, if your name is Edwina, so do call you Edwin  for short ? Kinda reminds me of Alice in Wonderland..Okay enough enough...I am so going to Harry's Wedding..rain or snow !!