Neurofeedback Update/Notes to the Gretchie Verse/ Contains no paintings of Jesus

First and foremost lets start with the Neurofeedback.  I know that it's what you find the most interesting thing about me...or is just the bizarre pictures of European Jesus. So, what is the plural for Jesus ?

Day 9 of treatment: I had this very interesting/very cool discussion with my Doctor about me and all of my issues. He has spent most of his life studying human behavior, the brain, psychology, etc.  This man is not a quack a doodle.
I told him I was having a really bad day. That I had experienced some information that made me very sad. I had wondered if the Neurofeedback was going to help. Which led to a 30 minute discussion on human behavior and the brain. First, he told me that for some reason (which people don't know) that people attach themselves to other people. I should try and rephrase that somehow. Well, the attachment part is a mystery. They know the reason why people attach themselves. For example my reason for attaching myself might have something to do with my childhood and abandonment. The reason why they can't unattach themselves is the mystery.

We also discussed the grieving process which was interesting. He said that people do not place enough importance on grieving. He told me he had met a lady who grieved for her dog for 5 years...5 years for a dog. I have had my share of dogs and I can't say that I grieved for more than a week or maybe a little more over a dog. I told him how many people say "Gretchen, get over it". To which I think...you people have no idea !!! I know if you don't know me ...you wouldn't understand the true content of this blog. Anyway, he said that this is THE PERFECT time for me to be doing this ! That mixing the past and what I was currently experiencing  is going to work itself out. It might happen in dreams, discussing it with a therapist or just working it out in my brain. How nice it is to speak to somebody who gets it !

So, I did my treatment and it turned out okay. They could pick up that I was experiencing some sadness, but I was really trying hard to focus on the movie I was watching. I picked " The Story of India". Very good documentary by Michael Wood. He does a great job on documentary's. So much more than Simon Schama. I am thinking more and more of going back to India and visiting more cities. Yes, I can talk til I am blue in the head about Great Britain, but really I need about 4 days tops and I have seen what I want to see. Life I am finding is too short to experience the same place over and over again. India has plenty !  The doctor told me that soon I will be finding more clarity in my mind and happiness. I look so forward to that !!

Notes to the Gretchie Verse

Dear Kim Jong Un: So, I saw a picture a few days ago. It was very disturbing to me. It did not send me into a hysterical rage of tears and unhappiness but I have to admit honestly it did make me cry. It felt like someone who had taken a hand grenade and placed it in my stomach and blew it off. I wanted to vomit. It made me rethink social media. Sometimes I think I just want to eliminate social media all together. It certainly takes away the realness in relationships. Why meet up with friends or leave the house when one can communicate with people over social media. Oh that's right...why am I discussing this with you ? Y'all don't have social media do you ?

Dear Momma Mia: It was so good talking to you the other day. It was so nice to call you and not be depressed, but to be able to express looking forward to something. I don't know at what point I felt abandonment as a child, but I don't blame you for it.  Anyway, I look forward to this summer. I plan on taking the kids to Zion and Bryce ....I am currently praying and asking God for patience :)

Dear Classmates: Our class is coming to an end and I am sad. You all used to intimate me and scare the crap out of me. I have to say I never thought I would make it to this point. Our test is in a two weeks and I am terrified. I have dragged many victims to the museum and given them my tour. I feel pretty good about it, but when it comes to a test...just label "test" on anything and I freak out ! I am probably the only student that is worried about this, and I imagine y'all think I would pass with flying colors. I might have to have a little something something to calm my nerves. Sad that all the bartenders at the arts center restaurant know me by name..but it's good I don't drink :)

Dear Neurofeedback: So, when this is over...what is next ? Joe says that losing weight without all this crap in my head is going to be a breeze and then what ? Well, I know that I am getting an Erg for one, but I need to get into something other than marathons (totally overrated and trendy) and tennis (can't stand the culture) ....hmm...I am having hiking in Nepal going through my mind.....Anyway, its over in August ! Yea !! Happy !!

Blog: Yeah, this is probably the last blog for a long time.  April/May and June are very busy busy months and July will be spent out of state. So, maybe July ? Also, I am thinking after more Neurofeedback my desire to express myself with blogging isn't going to be as desirable as it used to be. Yes, that is what happens when depression is removed from anyone...creativity goes down the tube :( Maybe I should be mourning that too !