Notes to the GretchieVerse

Nat, see how beautiful I will look !!!

Dear Personal Trainer: Okay, when my thighs and buttocks hurt, well, it's okay. It's hard to sit down on the toilet to pee, but I can handle the pain. I just simply scream so my entire family can hear me and have sympathy for me. Today however, was a different kind of pain. It's called " Useless Arm Pain". The pain in your arms when you can't do anything with your arms. I am no longer able to cook and clean. So, I am suggesting that you pay for my house cleaner and a personal chef. Just think how fabulous I will look with lots of beauty sleep ? 

Dear Stacey: Every time I drive up to church to take rah to YW I think of you . I miss you ...and no...nobody is as hip as you...nobody would ever consider making a tower of Diet Coke for a Christmas Table decoration. Last month RS was sewing and this month it's gardening. I should hold them captive and take them somewhere for cupcakes and Diet Coke. Well I'm not gardening.....

Dear Alikona: Please consider going to NYC and London. I'll lose a shitload ( yes, my blog occasionally contains curse words) of weight and we can hit on little teens at Eaton. I wonder if that's legal in the UK ? 

Oh mummy, this is Gavin

Dear Mum: I can't wait to hear the feedback when people tell you that I said a bad word in my blog. Really mom if this blog contained pornography or my lusty obsession with Gavin Newsom....yeah, you have every right to be ticked. You're the one who married the sailor ;)

Hi, I'm as big as Gretchie's thigh....

Dear Gavin Newsom: I don't know, I just can't resist mentioning you and not include you in my GretchieVerse. How is San Francisco ? How is your wife that is as large as my thigh ? How is your 2.0 children ? Is your family feeling pretty average ? You realize that if I met you in person I would not want your autograph. I would not want my picture taken with you. Honey, I want to put my hand through your hair. Truly, Gavin you have fabulous hair and teeth and I miss them. I miss my city by the bay, shopping in San Francisco, and Bloomingdales in Palo Alto. I miss my Mount Diablo, the fabulous climate and the Golden Gate Bridge. Shame on me for moving to Atlanta. 

Dear twins: Girls, you are saying things with a southern drawl....not that there is nothing wrong with that...but you're California Girls !! Stick to the program. 

Get me some of that Gavin !!!

Dear Meg: Hope you had the happiest of birthdays ! Lady, save your money and come visit ! If you visit me I promise I'll write a book. It will not contain pornography, but it will briefly mention my lusty obsession with Gavin Newsom. I am thinking Gavin is pretty delighted that I am living in Atlanta....nah...he misses me !!

Dear Davy Jones: Sorry you passed away. When I was a child ( maybe 10 years ago) I would play Love Boat with my friends. We would bring our boyfriends aboard....unfortunately I was never your girlfriend. I always got Peter Tork. Dude, if it was not for Lori Patty and Gina....you could have been with me ! Lots of little ladies are crying today.