Thursday, May 2, 2013

Notes to the Gretchie Verse

Dear : To the writers of Shameless (UK Version): Yes, I have to admit the first few episodes were truly shameless. However, now I am addicted. I am saddened at this point in the program you have eliminated some of my favorite characters including Debbie ( Deb-bay) and Ian. So, right now I am watching the Showtime version of your show. It is crap okay like Crap with a capitol C. I don't admire your show for the drug and sex use, but the story lines are funny and creative. How could Showtime  BLOW IT ?

Dear Elise : Yes, this is something that later on in life that I can use as BLACKMAIL. Okay, I understand taking pictures of barbies, hands, fingers, face, feet and even your butt on my copier. Girlfriend, but to listen to your sister and pee on the printer ? Seriously, now we have to go and buy an new printer. Why do you listen to Michelle. Just so you know, I worry about her. She is extremely intelligent and a trouble maker. So, please stop listening to her. Don't think because she is your bigger sister (buy uno minute) that is is right. Get with the freaking program, buck up and ignore her.

Dear Elizabeth: I am aware that you have inherited the ability to do things at the last minute from your father. I also understand that you have also inherited the intelligence of your father and not the ADHD of your mother. Could you just please not tell me at the last minute of your projects due? Please don't leave your papers and tape all over my floor. It just makes me want to set the papers on fire and walk away. See, and the ADHD in me would forget that there was a fire going on in the house and it would melt the Barbie townhouse in the basement. That would be two homes burned and melted. Not only would the family be homeless , but the barbies would be homeless too. Elizabeth pick up your projects !!!

Dear Momma Mia: Thank you for taking my family to where ever it is that a Disney Cruise goes. I look forward to showing off my lovely fat thighs to a cruise ship full of other mothers with fat thighs. I also look forward to consuming 5 tons of frozen ice cream and 5 gallons of Diet Coke. Alikona on the other had will be drinking water, Diet Coke, and veggies. Momma Mia does that not sound boring ? Thus the reason Alikona is skinny and I am not.

Dear C&S: I am pretty much freaking out about this wedding coming up. No, I am not actually worried about the wedding I am just worried about becoming freaking bankrupt by the time this event is over. It's okay, I plan on moving into that trailer park in Mobile, Alabama. I'll make it clean and that is what counts right?  Just as long is your spending time with the ones that you love ?

Dear Your Royal Highness Queen of England: Thank you again so much the letter. I just took it to Michael's to get it framed. $250 to frame your letter. Anyway, I just want you to know I have a great appreciation for it.

Dear Sandi: Thank you for today. The work out was fabulous, but the finisher...um YUCK. I'll be paying for it . Good thing I got the laundry done because I won't be moving tomorrow.


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