Notes to the Gretchie Verse

Dear Rain: Yes, thank you for coming AFTER I took the dogs to the dog park. I took two showers today, and now I smell like yucky muddy dog. So, if I take three will my hair fall out ?

Dear Owen: Thank you for only smelling the butts of other dogs. I was so afraid you were going to try to mount all of them. There is nothing quite as repulsive watching your dog trying to mate with other dogs....dude don't be a ....a player ..that's the word !!

Dear Alice: Thank you for being the stellar dog that you are. I always love taking you to the dog park and showing off your retrieving skills. Not only that, but you are not the whore your brother is.

Dear Twinzies: I thought that was nice of you to start working at the dog park as a water fountain attendant. I am quite sure the dogs really appreciate it. Look, I am sorry, but I am not going to pay you for doing that. Do something more productive....like clean the house...clean your room...then I will pay you.

"Well, I don't know about that"

Dear Mr. Mubarak: So, are you dead or are you not dead ? Did you family sneak you out of that military hospital ? Are you living on the beaches of Peru or some other South American country in hiding ? Drinking fruit flavored tropical drinks and eating excessively ? Hey maybe you could get a haircut, tips on dressing like a human being (instead of Jesus Christ Superstar) and maybe a nose job? Maybe you could learn how to not be an evil dictator? Hey, maybe you are really still in a coma ? 

Dear Stephen Colbert: Okay, I have decided to vote for YOU for president. That way I can't be held responsible for voting democratic or republican. However, I really can't see you talking to foreign diplomats without making everyone laugh at them. Hmm....you know you could hire me to be in charge of the state department. You know what you COULD DO is just put me in charge of your TV Show....but dude no eagles. I do not do eagles..sorry its what you and I do not have in common. I put eagles up there with Walmart. 

Dear Tybee Beach: So, I am coming to visit you next week. I am just going to pick up a pair of flip flops...well maybe two pairs. I was wondering... Would it be possible to remove all the military tattooed, smoking drinking, swearing, player scumbags that hang out there ?  There is a place for slime balls like that, but really...couldn't you just make it a family beach for 2 hours ?