Dear Twinzies: Okay, I have asked you 20 times to put all your legos away, and you have not listened. I am just thinking of what I should do with those legos....should I bake them and make a mega lego ? Should I build a prison with legos and throw you in it ? Should I donate them to the children of Uganda who don't have legos ? Should I build a huge wall that separates you from the rest of the family room ? This side you trash and the other side you don't ?
Dear Rah Rah: So glad that you have returned home from camp. I am sorry that the girls you slept with were snotty. I am glad you have a great attitude about that, but personally it hurts my feelings. It's freaking church camp. It's not like I can stalk her and sit on her at church...or can I ??
Dear Caffeine: I miss you already, but the trade off of not drinking you has got to be better . What is my skin going to do when it can't secrete you from my pours ? It's so hard not being able to say that I want a Diet Coke. Now I have to order caffeine free Diet Coke....seriously what is the point ?
Dear Rebecca : Thank you for todays work out. I like us at night. I like being loud and singing and dancing. It helps blow out all the frustrations of the day. I am sure I pretty much irritate everyone :)
Dear S: Okay, I am pretty much given up on you. I have no idea what happened....but lady you are not putting the fun in my dysfunctional. Maybe I have been thrown out of the outer ring of your inner circle of "Your People".
Dear Mr. Mubarak: Sorry to hear you are in a coma. So, I have never been in an actual coma...can you hear people walking around ? Can you hear what the prison nurses are saying ? Can you hear your wife throwing a fit because she wants you to get into a regular hospital ? I am just wondering....you know if you designed prisons or cut back on the health care of prisoners...and now you are in a coma. So, do the nurses talk about you ? Do they sing "Walk Like and Egyptian" in your ear ? Is it hard not having money and control in a coma ? Well, crap does happen when you piss off a lot of people...especially an entire country.
Dear David Cameron: Yeah, so I think I am coming to London for the month of October. Well two weeks in London and two weeks in a quaint little town outside of London. I was wondering if you were hiring ? Is the House of Parliment hiring ? I think there will be point after I see all the museums that I will need something to do when I am out there and I don't want to drive Mrs F crazy nor Cookie. Think about it...you have a few months to decide.
Dear Rodney King: Sorry you died. It sounds like you had a pretty rough life. I was reading comments about your death on MSNBC ....not crazy comments, just mixed feelings about you. Some people thought you were just a crappy human being, and others just felt bad for you and your family. My opinion ? Dude, you are too close to home to talk about it.
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