Low Self Esteem..doesn't everyone have it ? So, I mean what is life like when you don't have low self esteem ? What are your mornings like ? What is your job like ? Is life easier ? Can it be bought at Target ? Okay, this is what my life is like when I have low self esteem. I wake up in the morning...like maybe 5:30. I turn the heater on and come downstairs. I look at my family room and think...crap well I actually think FUCK but you know...this is a public blog. I think " Crap what happened in here last night"? I can actually peer under my sofa and see what was shoved in there. I look at the sofas and think what is growing between the cushions? So, I think to myself " I am a bad mother, because if I was a good mother...my family room would never look like this". No, no credit to myself that I have 3 girls under the age of 12 trashing my home. That I love my kids more than I love a clean home.
Next I walk into my kitchen and look at my kitchen table. You know suddenly I am reminded of my childhood. I remember the words coming out of my fathers mouth. How he was going to throw everything away. That he might as well put hooks of the floor because that is where all the jackets are laying. My kitchen table is the catch all. If it's missing...look at the piles of crap on the kitchen table. I again think to myself " This place is a disaster, why am I not organized"? I walk over to my computer and look at my Twitter Page, my Facebook Page, and then my blog. I look to see if there are any hits....does anyone care ? Why would anyone care about me ?
So, I blog and spend a lot of time putting pictures up. I spend a lot of time reading the news. I spend reading the Economist...and realize that I am not educated enough to apply for a job at the United Nations, Unicef, or some job based in the Congo. That I am 43 and uneducated to a degree and spend my days and nights washing clothes and an endless amount of dishes. The process of caring for my family never ends. What do I get? Sassy little kids who don't appreciate me, but really won't appreciate me until I am either laying in a coffin or have their own kids. What are the chances of twins having twins ? I walk over to my coffee maker and my shake machine. Now, as a Mormon I am not supposed to be drinking coffee. I have not been "supposed to not be drinking coffee" since I was what 18 ? Yes, I think I will always "supposed to not be drinking coffee forever". I think it's fine and Jesus still loves me.
 |
| No, not real boobs !! |
I look in the window which is at this time of the day a mirror. My hair is going 1000 different directions. I may still have mascara and eyeliner from the day before and my boobs. My boobs are hanging past my bellybutton and almost hitting the floor. I think " Why am I so...so hideous" ? " Why did god make me so ugly". You know Jennifer Aniston never has these feelings and either does Hillary. I make my protein shake and my cup of java and sit at the computer again. Again, I check to see who is checking out my blog. I go to Twitter and add more people to follower or places to follow. You know, I always want to know what the President is up to. Really, I would rather find out what David Tennant is doing...or who he is doing. I am quite positive that David is checking me out too...why would he not ?
Now it is time for the twins to come down stairs and rah rah. They first ask for candy or granola bars. Then I tell them their options...its Corn Flakes or Rice Krispies. They whine and pick Corn Flakes. Rah Rah has lost her homework for the 1000th time and Audj is crying because E is wearing her shirt. E is crying because her shoes are not tight enough. I mean what happens to people who have high self esteem ? Do they wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and they have perfect little boobs ? I am curious....
Today's Horrorscope from GOOGLE
Libra
By Rick Levine
Other people are filled with surprises today, and someone's unexpected actions could stimulate a shift in your thinking. A change of perspective enables you to see the current events in a whole new light and come up with original ideas. But it may not be wise to express every opinion you have now. Do the smart thing and think twice before saying something that you wish you could take back
No comments:
Post a Comment