Farewell to Children

I was laying in bed this morning thinking about this. I bought a pregnancy test a few days ago. I was afraid and excited I might be pregnant. Excited because we might have a boy and afraid because I really really REALLY should not have anymore children. Emma and Audrey are truly too much to handle these days. Well the good news is I am not and the reality is I am really not going to have anymore kids. It saddens me to think that this part of my life is really over. I am never going to whine about not being able to have kids or anymore kids. I will have to look at babies and think ( although Sarah is only 10) that I have to wait until grand kids. Alison will always have more kids than I. That I wasn't destined to have as many children as she does. This of course makes Tom very happy and well...I don't think that I am suited to have 5 children. I just think would it not be nice to have a boy. A boy to carry on the Cronin last name. I look at Kristin's cute little boy Max and think what a doll he is. So, how do you surrender to this ? Surrender to the no more kids....that this time is over in my life. You would think it would be easy for anyone really ...it happens to people all the time. I just have tiny sparkle of hope that it could happen....bling ! it's gone !