Dear Twins: I was really happy you played out in the backyard for the first time since you were born. Thank you for bringing the inter tube in the house....do you plan on swimming in the bathtub? It's raining outside...perhaps I should be grateful you only left pool toys scattered everywhere ?
Dear Heavenly Father: I'm fat...I am mean I am really getting fat. Why ? Because we have eating too much cake around here. We had boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and Cin&Sugar LIFE cereal in the house. I ate them...I ate all of them. So, now I am even bigger than before. Why does food cause us to be fat ? Why can't other evils make us fat ? You know...smoking pot, snorting coke, having sex with strangers...why can't these things make us fat ? Miss church...gain a pound or ignore your screaming kids gain 2 pounds (oh..maybe that's why.....). These should be the punishments for being fat...not cakes and ice cream !
Dear Carpets: When we pull you out and replace you with something (something we haven't decided) I am going to send you to a lab. They are going to call me, call the police, and then call the EPA and tell us that you are alive.
Dear Mary: Did you love your funeral or what ? Did you not have the very best singers and speakers? You had the very best flowers and the very best wake ! Your family loves you and we will all miss you.
Dear Mrs. Abajan: I am sorry I am so overwhelmingly friendly. That I have such a freaky memory and remember much of my childhood and teenage years. It's a curse...seriously a curse. Nobody remembers the crap I remember. So, when I came and sat next to you at Mary's Funeral...I apologize for being so...sooo aggressive. It's who I am....I'm telling ya it's a curse.
Dear Tom: Let it be said in my blog. When we have company come over for dinner. When WE agree that YOU will clean and I will cook. When I COOK and YOU are supposed to CLEAN. CLEAN also includes the BATHROOM and the KITCHEN floor. Good now everyone knows you are not perfect :)
Dear Sarah: You realize when I decided to sign up to turn the power of next week for an hour. I am sacrificing my FACEBOOK time. BE GRATEFUL !
4 comments:
Cin Sugar life is bad for me? Oh no! I live on that stuff.
Cripes! I forgot I signed up for that too. Curse you Gretchielove!
I agree about the fat. Not fair. My carpets are alive also. I want them dead.
And I often embarrass myself with the super friendly. Some day I'm going to have to learn how to turn it down.
I think Tom is perfect. As a matter of fact I'm in love with him!!!
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