Notes from the Universe on a Sunday Morning

Dear Sarah,
Thank you for taking all the towels out of the house and placing them outside on the wet lawn and then let the rain fall on them. Thank you for leaving your flip flops out on the porch so I could twist my ankle on them and fall down.

Dear Kristin and Monica,
Thank you for coming over yesterday and helping me whilst being handicapped. I am sorry that your twins are making you sick Kristin. It's actually worse when they come out of your belly. Anyway, I am grateful for helping me. I will help you when your babies come out. Monica your husband needs the snip snip....you'll feel so much better. You have a very nice ass :)

Dear Emma and Audrey,
Thank you for only spilling one juice box into my carpet, leaving gum on my sofa, gum on my carpet, gum in your hair, fruit snacks into the sofa, and dropping your cold stone cup on to the floor. Have fun at Danielle's party...I won't be missing you...I still love you !

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the rain. I am so grateful that Sarah's game was cancelled. Could you make it rain more ? We need it !

Dear Tom,
Thank you for being so....unhelpful when you left yesterday for your Cal game. Up your butt with a coconut.

Dear BFF,
I love you :) I am glad we share the same birthday, the same people irritate us, we have the same feelings for our teacher, we belong t0 the same church, we both suffer from the horror and torture our kids give us on a daily basis, and we both live in Barbie Town homes. HUGS !

Dear Trina,
YOU ROCK !!!